At work Andrew told me that he had deleted all of the naked pictures of Katie, and porn that he had on his desktop at his grandparents. On one hand I am glad that he did delete them, but on the other hand the first thing that came to me was that he went through all of the pictures and looked at them before he deleted them. I asked him if he did, and not surprisingly, he said that he didn't look through them, he just deleted them. I really don't believe him, but there is no way for me to truly know. My heart is just so numb that I can't trust anyone with it anymore. I really wish I could, but I cant shake the feelings of impending doom of every relationship I will ever be in. If he did look at the pictures it would hurt because I don't understand how someone can knowingly do something that would hurt someone else so badly, he knows I hate porn, and naked pictures of his ex is so much worse. I just don't understand how people can be so inconsiderate of other peoples feelings. Like, say he did look at them, yet he knew there was no way I would ever even know it really happened, I would never be able to do that, I would feel so damn guilty it would kill me. I wish that everyone was not out for themselves in this world. I wish they would think of everybody else too. Or at the very least the people close to them.
When I got home from work I got onto his laptop and looked at his internet history to see what exactly he was looking at last night when I got home. Well, I was wrong, he wasn't looking at anything that would hurt me. Thank god.
I don't know what has been wrong with me the last couple days, but I have been really emotional and depressed. I feel like crying all the time and just overall really down. I hate feeling like this. Please excuse my negative posts until I get past this mood swing. :-/
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