So, last night I had a dream, I don't remember what it was about, but I know that Kevin was in it. At first I thought that I was beginning to miss him, and that the fact that we really are over was sinking in. But now, I realize that I miss that type of relationship; coming home to each other everyday, sleeping together every night, all the things couples do when they are on their own. I really miss that freedom. With Andrew I constantly feel like his family is going to start hating me because he spends all of his time with me, and his grandparents have already had two talks with him about it. It just really sucks, because I'm honestly starting to have doubts about us. I like being touchy feely, lovey dovey, like your supposed to be in the beginning of a relationship, but we don't have that. I love being touched and kissed every spare moment, and he just isn't that kind of person. I want the honeymoon phase, and we somehow completely bypassed that. Maybe I can figure out a way to talk to him about it. I really could give two shits less about the stuff he buys me. I want intimacy, not money, I need love and compassion, and romance, not clothes and food.
Being away from Kevin lets me miss all the good things and ignore all of the bad things, maybe that's why I took him back the last time. But I just have to remind myself, that yeah maybe the little things were amazing, but the horrible things were unbearable.
I don't know what to think about anything right now. I just wish things could all have went completely different...
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